Form 11-D · Public Disclosure
Privacy
Statement.
A plainly worded account of what the Department collects, why it collects it, and what it absolutely refuses to do with it.
1. What the Department collects.
When you enlist, the Department collects a single piece of information: your email address. That is the entire collection. There is no second piece of information. There is no name, no postal address, no phone number, no preference profile, no birthday, no dietary requirement, no childhood pet.
If you submit the optional Mystery File request, the same single piece of information is collected, with the source field marked dossier for internal record-keeping. No additional data is taken.
Server logs incidentally retain the IP address of your request, as is standard for any web server in this universe. These logs are kept for no longer than thirty (30) days and are not joined to your email address.
2. Why the Department collects it.
One reason: to deliver the Monthly Compliance Bulletin and the welcome correspondence to which you have consented.
That is the entire list of reasons.
3. What the Department will not do.
- The Department will not sell your email to anyone, ever, under any circumstances, for any sum, even a generous one.
- The Department will not share your email with affiliates, partners, sponsors, or other agencies, real or imagined.
- The Department will not enroll you in additional lists, programs, or initiatives without an explicit second act of consent from you.
- The Department will not use your email to train a model. It is too small a dataset, and the model would only learn to feel mildly bureaucratic.
4. Where your data lives.
Email addresses are stored inside the Department's official mailing platform, currently Resend, which acts as the Department's processor under standard data-processing terms. Resend's infrastructure is hosted within the European Union and the United States. The Department itself does not maintain a separate database of subscribers.
5. Withdrawing.
Every Bulletin contains a one-click unsubscribe link in its footer. Activating it removes you from the active audience immediately and permanently. You may also write to postmaster@departmentofsurrender.com to request the same outcome by hand.
For the official policy on withdrawal, see the Withdrawal Policy.
6. Your rights, briefly.
Where the laws of your jurisdiction grant you rights of access, rectification, deletion, portability, or restriction over the personal data the Department holds about you, the Department honors those rights. Send a request to postmaster@departmentofsurrender.com from the email address in question and the Department will respond within thirty (30) calendar days, often sooner, occasionally with charm.
7. Cookies.
This site sets a single small entry in your browser's local storage, used solely to remember whether you have dismissed the sticky Mystery File invitation. No tracking cookies are placed by the Department. Anonymous, privacy-respecting visit counts are recorded by the hosting platform.
8. Changes to this statement.
If the Department updates this statement in any material way, the new version will be re-issued to all enlisted citizens via the Bulletin, with the change clearly marked. The Department does not make material changes quietly.
9. Contact.
The Department's designated point of contact for matters of data and privacy is postmaster@departmentofsurrender.com. The Department reads its mail. The Department occasionally writes back.